Bah! Humbug!

So it's September.... And I'm due to be a final year student back at uni in a few more weeks.... Who knows what that means? Full marks and top of the class if you guess! Yup.... Time to start looking for a job! Well, for most people, it's still a little early, but for all the wannabe bankers who are due to sell their soul to capitalism, it is that time of year (again! - If you applied for internships!)

So if you know what I'm about to put myself through, because you've been through it before (Congrats on surviving!), or are doing so now (Good luck - you'll need it), then you can sympathise with my predicament!

So I thought I'd compile a few hints and tips for you all, and remind myself of all these things simultaneously....

Hints & Tips:
*When you say something, give evidence. EG/ See buzzwords.

* Make sure you get the company name right in the form... Copy & paste sometimes means you end up with something like this... "I would like to work for McDonald's because Burger King is a great company that makes scrummy food"

* Don't use thesaurus for words you don't really know.... You don't want to send off a form with something like "I am determined to get this job" becoming "I am determined to get this chore"

* Alawys chek four typoes. (Sic. No I did not mean to put 4 typoes in that sentence).

Buzzwords:

*Determined - I am determined to get this job because I am great and I am the best and I always succeed because I am amazing
Eg. From a nameless lost soul...
"i went to resuce a princess from the dragon. i examined the situation, and determined that the risk was too great, and instead offered my ass in gratitude of not being eaten as well."
Note... This person has a job (yup, who'd've thunk it?!?!) which makes this a GREAT answer.

*Reliable - writing "You can always count on me to miss the deadline." is a bad idea.... Instead, try "I am very reliable because I never fail to be at the drinks machine at 11:30 for a Diet Coke break."

*Winner - I always come first in the race to the ice cream truck.

*Team player - You can't write the feem tune, sing the feem tune, and star in the show all by yourself!

*Networking - Knowing all your mum's brother's wife's nephews girlfriend's brothers may help at Indian functions in knowing who's who, but it won't help with job applications.

*Communication - dOn"7 tYp3 L!l<3>


And if you get a letter that goes something like this, don't cry!

"We regret (are not sad at all) to inform that we will be rejecting your application for *insert company name here*, but thank you for taking the time (and wasting ours) to apply. We will (not) be keeping your CV on file (because we will be too busy making a bonfire from all the CV's like yours).
Best regards, (and have a nice life, loser!)"

Lol, I'm coming across as super-cynical now..... Especially with those translations! It's not REALLY as bad as I make out.... Not far off though! But hey, it's a learning curve! I guess getting through the harsh reality of searching for a job prepares us for the not-too-far-off day when we begin working and leave behind all those late nights, and hangovers, and holidays.... Sounds like fun, huh?!

So, to one and all, good luck with your applications! [unless you're trying to steal my job, in which case, a plague on your house!!!!!]